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My Grandmother Sends Her Regards and Apologises

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You can tell she’s old because her face looks like newspaper stuffed into wet shoes, but no one ever accuses Granny of being grown-up for her age. (Location 56)

Because all seven-year-olds deserve superheroes. And anyone who doesn’t agree needs their head examined. (Location 186)

That’s what Granny calls lies: ‘Other versions of the truth.’ (Location 226)

Elsa once read that ‘Chaos is God’s neighbour’, but Mum said if Chaos had moved onto God’s landing it was only because Chaos couldn’t put up with living next door to Granny any more. (Location 258)

The bad mother card is like Renault: hardly a beauty but surprisingly effective. (Location 781)

The snowflakes fall like wet mittens against the window. (Location 1071)

But it’s pointless trying to explain to these people, as fruitless as clarifying to a guy carrying round a rabbit’s foot – because of its supposed good luck – that if rabbits’ feet really were lucky they’d still be attached to the rabbits. (Location 1116)

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My Grandmother Sends Her Regards and Apologises